Irreverent, but Classic Blond Jokes
Three blonds died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blond, “WHAT IS EASTER?” The blond replies, “Oh, that’s easy, it’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…” “WRONG,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blond the same question, “WHAT IS EASTER?” The second blond replies, “No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the ………….the birth of…….. of Jesus.” St. Peter looks at her and shakes his head in disgust. He looks at the third blond and asks, “WHAT IS EASTER?”
The third blond smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye. “I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter.”
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A young blond woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. “Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor. “You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman. “What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.” The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, she cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, “Are you a natural blond?” “Why, yes,” she said. “I thought so,” said the doctor, “You have a broken finger.”
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There are three blonds stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blond asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blond asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
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I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me?” “Stay! Stay!”
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blond, gave me a strange look and said, “Why don’t you just put it in ‘Park’?”